I'm Better Than You

Do you think you’re better than everyone else? Have you filled out surveys, created lists or joined groups just to prove you're more superior than the average person? Studies have shown that most pretentious people will have done at least 3 of the listed activities below. Find out if you’re as pretentious as I think you are!


* Copy this into your NOTES.
* Star those pretentious activities you've done.
* Italicize the ones you want to do or told a group of scensters you’d do.
* Sit back and look smug!

1. *You blame society for homelessness/sexual exploitation/the line up at Starbucks.*

2. You’ve purposely made an obscure literary reference that you knew no one else would get.

3. You have or want to name your baby after a Shakespearian character. “I just think Balthasar is SUCH a great name for a girl, don’t you?”

4. You namedrop at any chance you get. “Oh, you like breathing? My mom’s uncle’s cousin dated one of the doctors from House. He’s SOOOooOOOoo talented.”

5. You wear Lulu Lemon and you don’t do yoga.

6. You like to invite people to restaurants where you know the chef. “OMG! It’s my friend Chef Simon, everyone! He’s SOOooOOOOoo talented.”

7. You’ve published facebook surveys designed to make you feel superior.

8. You keep books out that you have no intention of reading. “What this first edition copy of War and Peace? It’s mine. Kind of an essential for anyone who knows how to read, don’t you think?”

9. You don’t watch TV and you make a point of telling anyone who will listen that you don’t watch TV.

10. You’re a vegetarian and you make a point of telling anyone who will listen that you’re a vegetarian. Double points if you’re a vegan and do this.

11. You like to mention obscure band no one has ever heard of. “What? You haven’t heard of Deaden Bleeding Souls??? I’m not surprised. They’re from Turkey. They’re so indie they haven’t even recorded an album yet. This song is just white noise inspired by what they might sound like.”

12. You pretend not to know about ridiculously famous singers even my grandma has heard of. "Britney… what is it, Spears? Hmm. Nope. Doesn't sound familiar. What type of music do they perform?"

13. You pronounce foreign names or places with an accent. “I cannot wait to book my trip to MEH-HE-CO. My sister-in-law’s old college roommate knows Edgardo Díaz, one of the original members of Menudo. He’s great.”

14. You love to talk about how you only buy organic foods. “This lettuce is organic. It’s pure. It’s never even come in contact with humans until now!”

15. You have tattoos on your body in languages you don’t speak. “It says JAARBLARGNEFFERY. It means ‘enlightened one’ in Yeniseian.”

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